Your horoscope

Adam Sandler's Horoscopes

WARNING: Contains Profanity!

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22) You have an inventive mind and are inclined
to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes
repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a fucking
jerk.
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22) You are a pioneer type and think most people
are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You
do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a
prick.
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22) You have a wild imagination and often think
you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your
friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack
confidence and are a general dipshit.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22) You are practical and persistent. You have a
dogged determination and work like hell. Most people think your are
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a damned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22) You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much
for too little. This means you are never satisfied. Gemini's are notorious
for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22) You are sympathetic and understanding to
other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting
things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a
shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22) You consider yourself a born leader. Others
think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving
motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22) You are the logical type and hate disorder.
Your shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You
are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make
good bus drivers and pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22) You are the artistic type and have a difficult
time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably a cross-dresser.
Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are
whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22) You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd
in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of
success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect
son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22) You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You
have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The
majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of
shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22) You are conservative and afraid of taking
risks. You are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn
of any importance. You should kill yourself.