CAT vs. DOG

[guzzimike]

 
DOG DIARY


8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

------------------------------------------------------------------------


CAT DIARY


Day 983 of my captivity.


My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.  They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.


The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.  In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.  Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.  I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.


Bastards!


There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.  However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.


Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.


I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe...


For now.


 

[ValiantOne]

Always liked that one I've had a couple of cats like that..........

[flyboy01]

So true.

[440Ken]

When you have a cat it is not your pet...you are it's servant

[dangerdawg]

  cats are something else.

[rarefish]

My other pets love cats. Especially the Boa and Python.

[GTXMaster]

Only good cat is a dead cat!!

[68_Val_Sedan]

I love cats ... it's jsut that it seems there is too much to eat at one sitting 

[LILBLUE65]

I ate Lynx a few years ago. Quite tasty!

Dogs just stink, inside and out...although I'm sure I had some at the "Lotus Inn" many years back in Thunder Bay.

Rob

[Pedalkisses]

That is so funny and true! I love cats, dogs and chickens.

[Cpt Panzer]

Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.

[Joe-Dokes]

I think I saw this here, so if it is a repeat forgive me.

Why are dogs man's best friend?

Put your wife and a dog into the trunk of a car.

Leave them there for one hour.

Open the trunk, Which one is happier to see you?

Now you know.

Regards

Joe Dokes

[Joe-Dokes]

What always cracks me up about cat lovers, is that when they try to convince you what a great pet their cat is, they always say the same thing, "It acts just like a dog..."

Why not save yourself the trouble and get a dog to begin with, NOOOOO you have to go find a cat and hope against hope that the thing will ACT like a dog.

Remember Fido is short for fidelis which of course means faithful.  (In case your wondering Semper Fidelis means always faithful, Marine Corps Motto, Semper Peratus means always prepared, Coast Guard motto, Quis in is Mihi? Means What's in it for me? My motto.

Three semesters of college latin, who'd a thunk.

Regards

Joe Dokes

[eldubb440]

i knew my chinese food was undercooked when  it started purring

[LILBLUE65]

What always cracks me up about cat lovers, is that when they try to convince you what a great pet their cat is, they always say the same thing, "It acts just like a dog..."

Why not save yourself the trouble and get a dog to begin with, NOOOOO you have to go find a cat and hope against hope that the thing will ACT like a dog.

Remember Fido is short for fidelis which of course means faithful.  (In case your wondering Semper Fidelis means always faithful, Marine Corps Motto, Semper Peratus means always prepared, Coast Guard motto, Quis in is Mihi? Means What's in it for me? My motto.

Three semesters of college latin, who'd a thunk.



Regards

Joe Dokes

Doesn't it mean " One who won't stop shitting on my lawn?"

[flyboy01]

What always cracks me up about cat lovers, is that when they try to convince you what a great pet their cat is, they always say the same thing, "It acts just like a dog..."

Why not save yourself the trouble and get a dog to begin with, NOOOOO you have to go find a cat and hope against hope that the thing will ACT like a dog.

Remember Fido is short for fidelis which of course means faithful.  (In case your wondering Semper Fidelis means always faithful, Marine Corps Motto, Semper Peratus means always prepared, Coast Guard motto, Quis in is Mihi? Means What's in it for me? My motto.

Three semesters of college latin, who'd a thunk.



Regards

Joe Dokes

Doesn't it mean " One who won't stop shitting on my lawn?"

What's your address, i will bring my dog over and see if I can get her to shit on your lawn.   

[LILBLUE65]

 

[ValiantOne]

What always cracks me up about cat lovers, is that when they try to convince you what a great pet their cat is, they always say the same thing, "It acts just like a dog..."

Why not save yourself the trouble and get a dog to begin with, NOOOOO you have to go find a cat and hope against hope that the thing will ACT like a dog.

Remember Fido is short for fidelis which of course means faithful.  (In case your wondering Semper Fidelis means always faithful, Marine Corps Motto, Semper Peratus means always prepared, Coast Guard motto, Quis in is Mihi? Means What's in it for me? My motto.

Three semesters of college latin, who'd a thunk.

Regards

Joe Dokes

Joe, oddly enough my last cat was GREAT and acted just like a dog All the companionship without the drooling, chewing garbage, crapping on the lawn and that stinky dog smell.

Loved that dog-gone cat

[flyboy01]

I must have the perfect dog, never gets into garbage, will not chew on anything unless you hand it to her first, will not touch anybody's food, even if you left it within easy reach of her and I was gone all day, does not stink, does not shed, does not eat poo, and always craps on my neigbors lawn on command! 

[Pedalkisses]

I must have the perfect dog, never gets into garbage, will not chew on anything unless you hand it to her first, will not touch anybody's food, even if you left it within easy reach of her and I was gone all day, does not stink, does not shed, does not eat poo, and always craps on my neigbors lawn on command! 

What kind of dog is that?  Ceramic?

[Joe-Dokes]

Ceramic?


Regards

Joe Dokes

[flyboy01]

I must have the perfect dog, never gets into garbage, will not chew on anything unless you hand it to her first, will not touch anybody's food, even if you left it within easy reach of her and I was gone all day, does not stink, does not shed, does not eat poo, and always craps on my neigbors lawn on command! 

What kind of dog is that?  Ceramic?

Nope, its not even a figment of my imagination either! 

[LILBLUE65]

I  call her " wife ".

[flyboy01]