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Premium Member
1,529 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Some old, some new,some good , some , well you be the judge .....................................

"We built our cars to win trophies and get chicks"-Larry Watson

"Customs are for getting girls. Hot rods are for getting rid of them."-Robert Williams

"A true hotrodder wouldn't be content untill he had created a car so violent, so hairy, so totally sick that the very act of dropping the hammer would result in instant death. Anything less results in the need to go faster." - Tony DeFeo

"Stand on it until you see God and SHIFT" .
"Bright as a brick"
"Like a Duck in a desert"

Smokey Yunick,....... "a smart man never learned nothin with his mouth open."

"Nice trophy, who built your car?"
or the altered version:
"Nice trophy, how much did it cost you?"

Get in, sit down, shut up and hold on.

He wouldn't find his own ass with a stick and a mirror..........Jack Reacher

Smokey Yunick: It ain't what the rules say you can't do, it's what the rules don't say that you can't do.

Build it yourself, know what ya got. Ed Roth

The brakes don't work when the wheels are on top.

Rev it some more, it'll clear up.

Jesus was a Ford man, he walked everywhere.

He doesn't know his axle from a hole in the ground.

The only substitute for cubic inches would be rectangular dollars.

Hold my beer, watch this...

You can move a freight train with a washing machine motor if ya got enough gears.

I've got a 3/4 cam!
Hummm.... I've always wondered what ever happen to the other 1/4!

Gasoline is for washing parts
Alcohol is for drinking
Nitro is for racing...

If I can't fix it, I'll fix it so NOBODY can!

I'll keep fixin' it 'til it can't be fixed any more.

Harder than woodpecker lips.

The trouble with havin' nothing to do is that it's hard to tell when you're finished.

Tighten it 'til it squeaks and then go a half turn more just to be sure.

John Force
"I only go around corners if I'm on fire "

Don garlits -
"I have gone faster, backwards - upside down and ON FIREthan most people have gone at all"

Tommy ivo
" I've driven upside down and backwards faster than most people have gone on the ground"

"You can't break broken! You can only fix broken... and only sometimes."

"No good can possibly come of this. Get the camera."

Never complain...never explain.-Henry Ford II

How did you make that thing run so fast??
I took a sharp knife and cut most of the slow off of it....

"He's cheating, he's cheating, I know that SOB is cheating ! "
How can you be so sure ?
"Because I'm cheating and the Mother F~~~ker just beat me "

The only way this thing could be any slower is if it was backin' up.

I couldn't fix your brakes so I made the horn louder.

"That thing got a cam in it?
"How the hell do you think the valves jump up & down?"

my cars so slow bugs hit the back window.

"boy you could fuck up a steel ball"

"I could give 'em a cannon ball and a plastic spoon and he would figure out a way to fuck up that cannon ball..."

Working on a documentary about cars made after 1972... It's called "Cars I Don't Give a FUCK About".

"Do I drive it? Of course I drive it. It's a car, not a fucking Monet..."

GM- Get Mechanic
GMC - Got Mechanic Coming
Lotus - Lots Of Trouble, Usually Serious
FIAT - Fix It Again Tony

"We worked 80 hour weeks for 30 years to keep from having to get a real job."

Tighten it until it breaks, then back it off a quarter turn..

Once you hit the apex mash it to the floor and let er eat.

Thats all she had my toenails were in the fanblade.

"Don't act stupid, somebody might believe you."

"Measure once,
Cut twice,
Learn to weld."

"I make horsepower the old fashioned way. I exaggerate."

"The problem with those cars is when you have problems, you have problems.

"That ole boy could weld sh*t to glass"

as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike

nice fella but not quite the full socket set

The motors that quiet you could hear a flea fart

People who tell you "Two Weeks", "It's on the truck", "The checks in the mail", or call you "Buddy" are all telling you the same thing.

The cam in this-one is so hairy i had to take the clippers to it just to get it in !!!

"Thats more fun than a case of beer and a chainsaw".

the best way to make a small fortune in racing is to start out with a large fortune. Jr Johnson

it's only cheatin' if ya get caught

If you’re in control, you’re not going fast enough. – Parnelli Jones

Auto racing began 5 minutes after the second car was built. - Henry Ford

As far as cheating goes, they’ll never stop it. The only way it can be done successfully, only one person can know about it. – Smokey Yunick

After the third flip, I lost control………… - Don Roberts

l over heard the cop say " son, l don't have enough pages in my ticket book for every thing that's wrong with this car"

Rule #1 when building a Mopar: IT'S NOT A CHEVROLET!!

Aerodynamics is for people that can not build engines........ Carroll Shelby

"The harder you work, the luckier you become." Roger Penske

"Racing ... because golf, football, and baseball only require one ball."

'If you can't fix it with a hammer then its' electrical'

'He couldn't drive a nail into dirt'

Wind 'er up till the valves float.

"Everything we have is either too short or bent" Bob Glidden

"You can lead a horse to water, but sitting on his head wont make him drink" Smokey Yunick

"You can afford to be arrogant. You can afford to be stupid. But you CANT afford to be both." Bob Crosbie

"You will never go wrong underestimating the intelligence of the American public." Samuel Clements

I'm more confused than a baby at a topless bar!

"You want a good tuneup? Put on a lighter throttle spring and move the drivers seat up a couple notches".

I've been to two public hangings, a Denver whorehouse and the Wirt county fair and I ain't never seen anything like that;

If it's Good & Cheap, it won't be Fast
If it's Cheap & Fast, it won't be Good
If it's Good & Fast, it won't be Cheap

"Is it knocking? hell, sounds like the pistons are swapping holes!"

"his car's so dirty dogs won't chase it"

" If it wasn't for women, kids, or dogs, I'd be racing top fuel"

If they could make electricity out of Bullshit, You would be a Powerhouse.

"That boys about as sharp as a leading edge on a basketball".

"Run what ya' brung, and hope ya' brung enough."

"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that’s what gets you." Jeremy Clarkson

With a torch and a welder everything is universal fit.

" It's like picking your nose with a pair of bowling CAN be done, but it ain't pretty!"

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool

One foot on a banana peel, the other in the twilight zone.

"I'm working harder than a dog trying to dig through a marble floor!"

"It handles like a dog on lino!"

Regarding an old vehicle.......Its in Pretty good condition for the shape it's in

If you haven't got anything done by noon,........don't bother starting.

"You could run that thing into a wall of ice at 100mph and it STILL wouldn't be cool...."

A hard to find part is made out of " unobtainium "

motors never run as good as right before the pistons melt

"Once you blow out the bottom end, the top end will never run the same"

He ran out of talent about halfway through the corner. – Buddy Baker

life is hard is harder if you`re stupid..... john wayne.

"Every sticker adds 5 horsepower"

Neat and gaudy, like a bulls ass sewn up with bike chain.


" When you on fire, people get outchur way. " Richard Pryor

"Looks like it was painted with a live chicken,polished with a brick and buffed with a pine cone".

I spent most of my money on hot rods, women and booze. The rest I wasted.

When in doubt, Gas it.

I dont have to fix it properly, it only has to outlast me, then its your problem....Yeah thanks dad

Old body shop saying:........... Lacquer and liquor don't mix.

"Never Lie, There's Less To Remember"............ Indian Larry

"Acceleration is when the tears of emotion flow off horizontally to the ear."

"You can't treat a car like a human being, a car needs love."

"A car is only then sufficiently fast when you are afraid to unlock it in the morning."

"Good drivers have the bugs on the side windows."

505 Posts
A couple of those remind me of one of my instructors at MMI back in '94.

"You guys could fuck up an anvil in a sand box!" lol

610 Posts
Some great classics in there..

Let's add to the list:

FIAT= Fix It Again Tomorrow
Chevrolet= Can Hear Every Valve, Rocker Or Lifter Every Time

847 Posts
these 2 really jumped out at me.....

"I could give 'em a cannon ball and a plastic spoon and he would figure out a way to fuck up that cannon ball..."

"we worked 80 hour weeks for 30 years to keep from getting a real job"

108 Posts
"A true hotrodder wouldn't be content untill he had created a car so violent, so hairy, so totally sick that the very act of dropping the hammer would result in instant death. Anything less results in the need to go faster." - Tony DeFeo

He's real??!!
I always thought the slackers at Mopar Action made him up for comic relief......Does this mean the Brunt Brothers really are responsible for all those colour features too?

108 Posts
motors never run as good as right before the pistons melt....yep, the 440 was pullin HARD that Saturday afternoon...until this lol

Premium Member
3,885 Posts
Good ones
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